Living with cancer

Living with cancer is far better than dying from cancer but cancer is a monster regardless.  I've been involved with cancer for two years now and cancer is a bitch.   It's the continuing round of treatments and discomfort that cancer visits on its hosts that make it so terrible.  To date I have had 15 BCG treatments, 3 cystoscopies and 3 surgeries.  I am sitting in my rocker and the phone is ringing but I can't answer it because I have a catheter in my body.  Before all this I never thought I could face a tube in the uretha but I have.  Cancer has made me stronger and capable of facing so many painful and disgusting things I never knew I could.  Yet this weekend I pulled my back out.  So I am as mobile as a potted plant.  I need a shower.. Can't do it!  I haven't been able to sit on the commode.
Odd the catheter is more like a ball and chain than a medical device.  As to the procedures, those seem to be something out of the Spanish Inquisition.
We live life day to day no matter how we may believe we look to the future.  It's a second at a time and when it's a procedure, the moments seem so much longer.  At first I thought I'd be cured and on my way back to a normal life.  Now normal has no meaning.  At my initial diagnosis I was told that bladder cancer was the one to have, if one was going to have cancer so I didn't take the news as seriously as I should have.  People who have bladder cancer can live 20, 30 or more years with bladder cancer and that bladder cancer wouldn't kill them. It may be true but from my perspective, bladder cancer may not kill me but it has stolen the quality of life, for sure.  It's a bitch to be the constant companion of a disease that has turned me into a pin cushion.  It's a bitch and nasty, nasty business.  There is no one I've ever known that I'd wish this on, no one.  Maybe that's my humanity coming to the fore. maybe that is the positive thing I've gotten from cancer. . Be well everyone and may God spare you this.  God bless all cancer patients.  This is a devil..