On the bottom line

Pawn Store is it a group of fat cheats or a family business that went viral? Either both or neither. Just like most people I am hopelessly attracted to such shows just as a moth is attracted to a light. Why? By now we have the formulaic script down pat. Person enters store with item, one of the principal characters doesn't know the item's value or authenticity. Next line, "I have a buddy who knows everything there is to know about.... blah, blah, blah. I don't think the man has any buddies just people who can be called on to estimate an item's value.

"Let me to call HIM in,"Notice it's always a him." These guys have more buddies than the poor slob in your fifth grade class had cooties. Skip to next scene ' buddy' gives an expert opinion on item's worth. For the heck of it, let's say it's a Mickey Mouse or Superman lunch box lunch box. No, that won't do because the guys at the pawn store would know right off the value of a piece of modern Americana and would find every flaw imaginable to low ball its value.

Let's say it's a water color painting by Winston Churchill. Expert authenticates item.. Let's say if it's a Churchill water color it's retail value is $29,000. Expert spouts a little of this , a little of that and voila it is authenticated and here's where the show gets on my nerves, and I would guess yours too. Just before the 8 minute commercial break, tricky Ricky goes into his usual side-bar about the potential value and how much he'd like to have the item in his store if he could get it at the right price, repeat at the right price -with the disclaimer I have to make a profit on it.

Cut back to Ricky and customer after expert makes an estimated retail value. Of course there are a few other lesser items considered in the mean while. Expert says item is authentic.. and at retail might fetch say $20-25,000. Customers face assumes a look of smug satisfaction.. dollar signs seem to ring in the eyes as they would in a cartoon characters. Then the show goes into negotiation mode. "How much do you want for it?" Ricky asks. Gullible customer repeats what expert has said. Ricky does his thing. "Yeah, I know but here's the thing I'll have to have it cleaned up, get a new frame- bada bing, la la la.. and there really isn't market for it. Here's the low ball..It's going to sit on a shelf for eons. I'll give you three thousand for it." Customer's face drains to chalky white. the expected windfall is now a liability to Pawn Store owner, yeah sure.

At this pont almost anything might happen but if you're on to this show, you'll know if the customer hesitates or counter offers at below half retail value, Rick is going to get the piece on the cheap. Wouldn't you love to hear the customer say, "Sure there's no market, sure you're going to have to put so much into it (usually if it's piece requiring refurbishing Ricky does the cost he's going to incur and how he has to make money), sure it's going to sit on your shelf; but you're a thief with a cash register, forget it." Actually I 'd like to hear a customer go a little more ballistic on Rickster. "Screw you, tell me an original Churchill is worth three thousand." But too often customer goes into negotitation mode. I gotta have $15,000. Now you and I know Rick ain't buying no painting for 15K. He then says . "OK, I tell you what I'm going to do. I've give you 4,000. Customer either withdraws (to a collective cheer heard round the block) or gets sucked in. Customer askes"can you give me $5,000?" Long pause means Rick is going to buy it. Quick retort means Rick is locked in, he makes counter offer at a lower rate just to get the customer's goat. Then the hands go out for a shake on the deal followed by the order for Chumpley to write it up.

If the chump customer agrees , an original Churchill gets sold for perhaps $4500. Flash to next frame. Customer justifies having sold the item with some lame ass comment such as.,"Well it was just hanging on the wall drawing dust." Flash to hundred dollar bills being counted out followed by self-satisfied and smug Ricko bragging about the deal. Then we find out just how glad he is to have gottent the Churchill at such a price and how there is such a large market of collectors. Theme song, fade, commercials, theme song again, clips of crowds mulling around the shop, cut to crew exiting Lincoln and a few frames of items we will see if we stay tuned.

So, if the show turns me off, if I find the legal swindle so tawdry, why am I such a fan? Why do we all love it so much? Because we never know what's going to show up , as Rickster says, "You never know what's going to come through the door ." We also love it because on occasion, a customer will decline, will actually realize that the low ball express has rumbled passed and he has refused to get taken for a ride. End blog..

Curious isn't though. Those poor bastards at the pawn store are so stout, no let's tell the truth, fat, go Lem say it straight out"obese." They aren't suffering. Just watch as the 'old man' as he stacks gold bars or as the money counting machine wraps up large bills.

So here's the bottom line. If you take an item you know or think has value to a pawn shop. be ready to get low balled. Hey that's the bottom line. Now about the term 'bottom line". Everybody's using it.. the accountant's mantra, the business man's hymn, the customer's woe. When I hear someone using the term I turn off my over-sized ears, clamp my lips down and turn them off. Bottom line is you are the bottom of the line.. or you're bottom is feeding me a line. Either way, get lost, hit the road, jump in a lake. lie down on a rail road track.

Disclaimer:

The person or places mentioned in this blog are merely fictional and any association with persons living or dead is purely coincidental and should not be associated with any person or business enterprise. Hey that's how I lowball my comments.

It's ain't about anything, just a free speech diatribe.