What's fecal matter got to do with it?

Yep.. that's the title of today's blog.  It's a long story and I'll do my best to condense it and make it as interesting as possible.  Lately I've become a fan of CSpan 2.. a book review channel.  Today one of my favorite authors was- Mary Roach.  For those who know or have read a book by Mary Roach.. you'll know she is quite a special person and writer.  The first book I read by her was Stiff.. which is all about the business of cadavers and research using cadavers at such places as the University of Tennessee cadaver farm.  At the U of T cadavers are used to study the effects of decaying, the bugs that invade a corpse at various times during the decay.  Other topics had to do with head transplants.. yes, for instance, taking the body of a healthy person who has died of brain inhury and transplanting to the  the head of a paralyzed or physically limited person.  One experiment Ms. Roach discusses in Stiff is the Russian experiments in the 50-60's to put two heads on the body of one dog.. and they did it!  Mary's books are scientific and at times almost too gross to discuss.  My wife and mother could not read Stiff.. it ain't easy if you are queasy.

Well I'd heard Mary Roach was going to be interviewed today starting at noon.  I waited all week anxiously hoping to see what she looked like. She is a very pleasant looking lady with shoulder length straight hair and a sense of humor and forthright manner that makes her something very special.  Her latest book is called Gulp subtitled Adventures in the Alimentary Canal.  Today she began the interview with a story about Elvis Presley's death. Seems that Elvis died while straining to poop.. Much has been said about Elvis's use and misuse of pain killers. I made up my mind to call in and make a comment about the rumor that Elvis had as much as 50 pounds of fecal matter in his bowels and intestines when he died. I think I read that somewhere.  Mary talked about Elvis' doctor Nick Nicolaides.. obviously a Greek.  There is probably litigation going on regarding the good doctor and the King's death so she was careful in her discussion of the doctor and Elvis.

I dialed the number and dialed and dialed.  After a half hour I did get through and was asked if I wanted to speak on the air.. and what the nature of my question would be.  I said I wanted to know if there was any truth to the rumor about the sheer volume of feces on the King's alimentary canal, at the time of this death.  It seemed a natural question to ask since she opened with a discussion of the King and his doctor.  So I asked if there was any truth to the rumor that the king had fifty pounds of poop backed up in him when he died. Mary said she didn't know if that were true but she did add that the fecal matter in the king was as hard as brick.. I lost track of her first few words in our conversation but it had to do with the doctor saying that the poop in Elvis was as hard as the bricks in the doctor's fireplace.  Oh by the way, in her introductory remarks Mary said that Elvis had had a house built for Doctor Nick.. a mansion I think she called it.  The interviewer then asked me about my rationale for asking that question and I said that I had been prescribed many pain killer over the last two years and that I suffered from occasional regularity, which evoked a laugh from both Mary and the interviewer.  In short,  what's fecal matter got to do with it? Mary did reply that her husband had been in a terrible bike accident and that he commented that he'd rather have the pain than the constipation.  So my question wasn't answered directly she didn't know.  I also asked if she knew what weight or amount of feces does the average person have in them at any one time or at the time of death.  She didn't have an answer for that.. but no matter.  I got to talk to Mary Roach today!  I've spoken with Michael Crichton,  Judy Collins,, John Sebastin, and a few other famous people but nothing so pleased me as my brief conversation with Mary Roach.  I think I may have a secret crush on her.. which is now not a secret.  I have a crush on her mind, her sensibilities, her frank open manner, her writing and her strange subject matter.

After the brief conversation I took a long walk.. I've been building up my endurance by walking every day.  The first week I walked a mile a day, the second, two miles a day and this Sunday I pushed it up to 3 miles... After which I came home and took a shower, but only after ridding my alimentary canal of as much as I could. Don't strain.. it just might kill you.  It killed the king and that's what fecal matter has to do with it!