Hello and welcome. Today October 12, 2016 was nearly perfect. Yesterday was better but today isn't over yet. I did very little but had no gripes or pains, no miseries, no weeping bladder fits. It was delighful to live a day without some issue in the urinary works. But lately all systems are running and in good order. I feel so well I want to jump out of my 70 year skin and start dancing or fucking or bowling, just about anything. Instead I'll have coffee and a blunt. So I'm swirling, spinning just like I flet when we hit White Horse on a Saturday night in August.. it was a 3 on a scale of 10 but they worked at it to make it a 5.. seriously it was an out dated, antiquaited old Howard Johnson smack dab across from City Hall. oo being so tired, dined in the restaurant on the premises. We'd considered Tim Horton's but alas it was a few blocks from the motor inn. Not much in White Horse or the Yukon from what we saw... trees, water, someshere wild life, rivers, skies of glory. It was my first visit to the Yukon Territory... a wild and wooley name for a place that likely is that way though I never saw any of it.
So cancer or whatever has afflicted me is gone... you can't imagine the rigors and discomforts of bladder cancer treatments. My life was literally swallowed up.. treatment, ill, ill, ill.. maye better. ok, treatment and so on. Six weeks in a row. Think what that does to your drive, your getting about, walking, reading, having sex... damn cancer, damn treatment. Ain't nobody else tried new ways of treating bladder cancer? I want to know about it. Think I'll Google it up.
Wednesday, October 12, 2016
Turning 70
Yes, it happened I turned 70... you either do or you don't in this world.... and I'd been sick, rather off for a while. I didn't feel well.. had no energy ot appetite all scary symptoms. But today, today is the birthday of all my furture birthdays whether spent idyllicly here on Cecil or with my kds and grandkids. It feels great to fell good... really great I'm bursting at the seams happy. Think I'll retire for a short nap.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
I used to be indecisive but now I'm not so sure
Hello from the Emerald Isle. The Irish know that a day has 24 hours because a case of beer has 24
beers. or is it the other way round? Can's say enough about our tour guide, a sit down comedian whose diction and dialect are wearing off on me, We've seen some of the most amazing castles, monasteries and cathedrals, and we've learned so much. The ancient conquerers often enough abandoned any plans of conquest because there wasn't a tree tall enough to hang a man, a river deep enough to drown a man or any dirt deep enough to bury a man. But still the Celts came and then the Vikings hordes leaving a lasting impression on the Irish psyche.
After a horrible flight experience we were driven around Dublin until our ankles up and our bellies growled. Finally at eventide we were deposited at Dunboyne Castle for a terrific dinner and a luxurious suite.. even bath robes were included. There was a spa but we were so tired any thought beyond going to sleep was impossible. Our tour of Dublin had included a visit to Phoenix Park, Grafton Street and St.Patrick's Cathedral. The day tired us no end but all the suffering was worth it.
Things got better and better on our third day at Clonmacnoise an early Christian site founded by St.Ciaran in the 6th century on the banks of the Shannon River. It was humbling to walk among the graves of people dead for millenia.. Later that day one of anita's bucket list dreams came true when we visited an active sheep farm, Rathbaum Farm, drank tea and visited a thatched cottage. things got better and better as the farm hand sheared a sheep and I fed a lamb. So the thatched cottage item is off the bucket list. Again we were spirited off to see the wondrous Irish scenery only to end up in Galway at the Raddison Blue, which after the Dunboyne Castle was a bit of a step down. The food has been good but at twelve-thirty last night the fire alarm went off, sending me off to a night of frequent bathroom visits. Anita also woke but in true Anita form went back to sleep.
If today is Thursday, which I'm not certain it is,I'll stop for sleep.It stays light until after 11 so we draw the blinds and collapse. Over and out.
beers. or is it the other way round? Can's say enough about our tour guide, a sit down comedian whose diction and dialect are wearing off on me, We've seen some of the most amazing castles, monasteries and cathedrals, and we've learned so much. The ancient conquerers often enough abandoned any plans of conquest because there wasn't a tree tall enough to hang a man, a river deep enough to drown a man or any dirt deep enough to bury a man. But still the Celts came and then the Vikings hordes leaving a lasting impression on the Irish psyche.
After a horrible flight experience we were driven around Dublin until our ankles up and our bellies growled. Finally at eventide we were deposited at Dunboyne Castle for a terrific dinner and a luxurious suite.. even bath robes were included. There was a spa but we were so tired any thought beyond going to sleep was impossible. Our tour of Dublin had included a visit to Phoenix Park, Grafton Street and St.Patrick's Cathedral. The day tired us no end but all the suffering was worth it.
Things got better and better on our third day at Clonmacnoise an early Christian site founded by St.Ciaran in the 6th century on the banks of the Shannon River. It was humbling to walk among the graves of people dead for millenia.. Later that day one of anita's bucket list dreams came true when we visited an active sheep farm, Rathbaum Farm, drank tea and visited a thatched cottage. things got better and better as the farm hand sheared a sheep and I fed a lamb. So the thatched cottage item is off the bucket list. Again we were spirited off to see the wondrous Irish scenery only to end up in Galway at the Raddison Blue, which after the Dunboyne Castle was a bit of a step down. The food has been good but at twelve-thirty last night the fire alarm went off, sending me off to a night of frequent bathroom visits. Anita also woke but in true Anita form went back to sleep.
If today is Thursday, which I'm not certain it is,I'll stop for sleep.It stays light until after 11 so we draw the blinds and collapse. Over and out.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
March 8, 2015
Reader. Stay out of hospitals. I had the recent misfortune of spending two night and three days in a hospital. The hospital stay itself was a torture to be endurd, I am become a breathing cadaver. Probed, poked, hooked to IV, strapped to a rhina nose tag.. that is tube inserted down the throat into the stomach, I was left to wait for a hospital room. Yikes here is an observation. From the moment the doctor told the nurse those initials I knew what I was going to experiecne. The doctor said RN and I knew it was going to be a nose tag, I was strapped to a table, how could I escape, there were two cops in the space next to me. I knew that I wouild be cornered and have a tube run down my throat and into my stomach. The sweet young woman who was going to inflict this on me said, "You're not going to like me as much when I do what I have to do to you," . I said it was ok and I understood. So she explained it to me ,measured off the amout of tubing, and began fishing it down my nostril, Not a way to describe it.. not horrific pain, endurable but unpleasant and uncomfortable.
So there I sat, or tried to because my body kept me hopping back and forth to the bathroom. Another endurance test, diarrhea with catheters, diarrhea with a nose tag, an IV bag and another tube to help the stomach pump. I felt like Frankenstein when he was captured.
I couldn't move one way or the next. The ancients captured wild beasts for later spectacle use in this manner. Most peoples have devised this manner of capturing in a net as a safe, efficient way to hunt for a small village. The same holds true for fishing.
But of the stay and its ups and downs...See me getting up to go and then trying to lie down with covers. Or, witness me walking the halls, medical equipment hung on a pole with wheels. Imagine me roaming the hall, thirsty, hungry, dirty in a word: miserable. The surgical gown was too large and I didn't have it tied in back, The pajama bottoms were too long, extra large, in fact. So look at me, beard a mess, hair a greasy mess, clothes rolled up to keep the pajama bottoms from falling down to the floor. Ah yes, the very glass of fashion!
A second long night ticks on, and on, and on never stopping. The thought, the hope, the desire for something to eat or drink. Jello, sherbert, tea, cinammon toast with butter. Anything, a glass of water. But no. MY stomach has to be completely empty before I can put food into it and then light foods for days. I go to the bathroom, find a tube of tooth paste, put the paste on my finger and rubbed my teeth and gums, I rinse my mouth but do not drink. Anything I eat or drink will delay my recovery and discharge, Go Spartan, Lem, be tough.
I held out but didn't sleep; by daylight I was exhausted. The snow which troubled me so the night before was over and clean up well on its way to opening roads, parking lots and such. It is daylight and the great storm was done with a mangeable 6 inches. The storm has looked ferocious, I was sick in the hospital, strapped to several machines and Anita was home alone with a broken smoke detector.
I was worried almost fearful for her safety because I thought this was going to be a monster storm with nearly 2 feet of snow. I was worried I might be in the hospital for days and fearful for Anita. There wasn't much else on my mind. In this distressed state and tired of being strapped to machines, I had the idea of unhooking myself and walking home. I didn't know my clothes were in a closet I could access or I may have done it. But as it was my defective thought process, were checked by the enormity of the deed and the likelihood I might die or be killed. I was going to try to walk home in a snow storm wearing a surgical gown, extra large pj bottoms and no shoes,
How far would I have gotten? Break of crazy thought. Wait.. it's a matter of 12 hours and things will begin to get better and you may even get fed and ot discharged! Yeah...Who told you the Inquisition was over? Spend a night in a hospital undergoing tests to see if surgery is necessary. Walking ten or twelve miles is way beyond me now, Even at my best I never approached that level. Perhaps I'd walk 3-4 miles a day, At times it was a form of meditation, meditation through deep breathing exercises attached to steps or strides, Wonderful to be out there walking, totally locked into walking, breathing but reaching extreme lmits of holding my breath, Long ago.
Sunday morning in the hospital, dirty, stinky, ready to go, yearning for coffee. Anita arrives mid to late morning. I make an ass of myself by calling my barber for an appointment this next day. She's shocked and I am aware I breached a rule not to call this barber ever but I may be getting out of here today and I need a hair cut tomorrow and I'm sorry to bother you on Sunday but if I wait until Monday morning she will have a full schedule. But I got the appointment and the hair cut. In short I got out of there as soon as possible, But not before food began arriving. Beef broth of sort at noon, potato soup at two, tomato soup at four and at six pork, gravy, mashed potatoes and sauerkraut. Now sauerkraut ain't never really good but I eat it on Thanksgiving and that's about it. Years ago when my stomach was younger I put sauerkraut and onions on a hot dog, truly did. Once I could eat corned beef, I sent the supper back untouched and was out of there within an hour. Anybody got insomnia? Spend a night or two in a hospital. When you get back home you'll sleep. Trust me on that.
Tonight is already here. Thanks for reading if you did.
Steve
So there I sat, or tried to because my body kept me hopping back and forth to the bathroom. Another endurance test, diarrhea with catheters, diarrhea with a nose tag, an IV bag and another tube to help the stomach pump. I felt like Frankenstein when he was captured.
I couldn't move one way or the next. The ancients captured wild beasts for later spectacle use in this manner. Most peoples have devised this manner of capturing in a net as a safe, efficient way to hunt for a small village. The same holds true for fishing.
But of the stay and its ups and downs...See me getting up to go and then trying to lie down with covers. Or, witness me walking the halls, medical equipment hung on a pole with wheels. Imagine me roaming the hall, thirsty, hungry, dirty in a word: miserable. The surgical gown was too large and I didn't have it tied in back, The pajama bottoms were too long, extra large, in fact. So look at me, beard a mess, hair a greasy mess, clothes rolled up to keep the pajama bottoms from falling down to the floor. Ah yes, the very glass of fashion!
A second long night ticks on, and on, and on never stopping. The thought, the hope, the desire for something to eat or drink. Jello, sherbert, tea, cinammon toast with butter. Anything, a glass of water. But no. MY stomach has to be completely empty before I can put food into it and then light foods for days. I go to the bathroom, find a tube of tooth paste, put the paste on my finger and rubbed my teeth and gums, I rinse my mouth but do not drink. Anything I eat or drink will delay my recovery and discharge, Go Spartan, Lem, be tough.
I held out but didn't sleep; by daylight I was exhausted. The snow which troubled me so the night before was over and clean up well on its way to opening roads, parking lots and such. It is daylight and the great storm was done with a mangeable 6 inches. The storm has looked ferocious, I was sick in the hospital, strapped to several machines and Anita was home alone with a broken smoke detector.
I was worried almost fearful for her safety because I thought this was going to be a monster storm with nearly 2 feet of snow. I was worried I might be in the hospital for days and fearful for Anita. There wasn't much else on my mind. In this distressed state and tired of being strapped to machines, I had the idea of unhooking myself and walking home. I didn't know my clothes were in a closet I could access or I may have done it. But as it was my defective thought process, were checked by the enormity of the deed and the likelihood I might die or be killed. I was going to try to walk home in a snow storm wearing a surgical gown, extra large pj bottoms and no shoes,
How far would I have gotten? Break of crazy thought. Wait.. it's a matter of 12 hours and things will begin to get better and you may even get fed and ot discharged! Yeah...Who told you the Inquisition was over? Spend a night in a hospital undergoing tests to see if surgery is necessary. Walking ten or twelve miles is way beyond me now, Even at my best I never approached that level. Perhaps I'd walk 3-4 miles a day, At times it was a form of meditation, meditation through deep breathing exercises attached to steps or strides, Wonderful to be out there walking, totally locked into walking, breathing but reaching extreme lmits of holding my breath, Long ago.
Sunday morning in the hospital, dirty, stinky, ready to go, yearning for coffee. Anita arrives mid to late morning. I make an ass of myself by calling my barber for an appointment this next day. She's shocked and I am aware I breached a rule not to call this barber ever but I may be getting out of here today and I need a hair cut tomorrow and I'm sorry to bother you on Sunday but if I wait until Monday morning she will have a full schedule. But I got the appointment and the hair cut. In short I got out of there as soon as possible, But not before food began arriving. Beef broth of sort at noon, potato soup at two, tomato soup at four and at six pork, gravy, mashed potatoes and sauerkraut. Now sauerkraut ain't never really good but I eat it on Thanksgiving and that's about it. Years ago when my stomach was younger I put sauerkraut and onions on a hot dog, truly did. Once I could eat corned beef, I sent the supper back untouched and was out of there within an hour. Anybody got insomnia? Spend a night or two in a hospital. When you get back home you'll sleep. Trust me on that.
Tonight is already here. Thanks for reading if you did.
Steve
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Christmas 2014
Though most of 2014 was a bust and much of it very painful, excruciating and many things had to be cancelled or postponed I still treasure it for its gifts and joy. The cold that we had all November and December is behind us, I hope, I hope! and we're prepping for Christmas. I might say we are enjoying delight as we sing from the cantata. Funny I want to do that again. I sat down here with the idea of opening up, say 10 pages off the top, some of it relevant, some of it silly. I had a massage today... nice, very very nice, Which reminds me of Cat's Cradle.. another of those bizarre items I picked off the shelf. It was in the school but not its curriculum. Navigating that was no trouble, the kids lied the book, got the point and enjoyed the humor Vonnegut gave it. It was a kind of treat, a novel I'd throw in just before Christmas because it takes place at Christmas and has a sorta Christmacy essence to it. I guess that relationship would be in a wonder world, scene splitting, time gauging. Still, you can't go wrong with hh. Salinger can take kids into a reality they don't know and like. It's also over a vacation, again Christma, and must be presented carefully lest students think Holden's self-destruct in deftly avoided but the Caufield are a sorry family, money, prestige, maids, chauferrs, private school and still the kids turn out rotten, some do, some down. He's my brudda the onr wiaf says about another when asked about their relationship the fact they are cutting school. Plus give kudos to Salinger who frames the modern neolithic with the two bruddas. Ah Pittsburgh, though should be flourishing. There's talent in them there hills, real talents, sports, science, comedy, writers. For towns slung onto rocky mountains, the folks do as best as they can to cling on... hey clingon. You get the idea, them western hills around Pittsburgh produce some remarkable people, your speaker among them. ha ha,
So it comes to this. One doctor on a surgical mania thinks i should have a robotic neural surgry to trim back parts of the 3nd and 2nd facial nerves of the trigeminal. It's th nerve of function conecting the necessary eye teeth to the brain, allowing the brain to gauge snd chew. So the assurances are that I have an 80% of never having this neuraligia headaches, the cautions that there is a 20% chance of some pralysis twenty or more years away. What a classic approach-avoidance dilemma! More information is needed and I need to consult both my family doctor, dentst and dental clinic. Lots of calls and visits to doubt. I am willing to look into it, see what others say, consider how I want to go forward. The dental neuralgia can't be ignored.
So it comes to this. One doctor on a surgical mania thinks i should have a robotic neural surgry to trim back parts of the 3nd and 2nd facial nerves of the trigeminal. It's th nerve of function conecting the necessary eye teeth to the brain, allowing the brain to gauge snd chew. So the assurances are that I have an 80% of never having this neuraligia headaches, the cautions that there is a 20% chance of some pralysis twenty or more years away. What a classic approach-avoidance dilemma! More information is needed and I need to consult both my family doctor, dentst and dental clinic. Lots of calls and visits to doubt. I am willing to look into it, see what others say, consider how I want to go forward. The dental neuralgia can't be ignored.
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
TURP Good news and Better new
So the ordeal of TURP surgery is nearly over. Transurethal Resectioning of the Prostate is the medical term. Roto Rooter surgery is the street term and the one that most describes it. But first the good news and the better news. First I have no cancer cells in my bladder and second I don't have prostate cancer. This doesn't mean the bladder cancer is gone for good but that as of now, it has been eliminated. Of course periodic cystoscopic checks will be needed. As to the TURP well that was done about 3 weeks ago and today I thought all the post surgical pain was gone. It was until about half hour ago but it's not so bad that I need to call the dr. for a refill of oxycontin.. had enough of that stuff for a lifetime though it does make one feel warm and fuzzy. For now it's pyridium a nasty urethal anelgesic that turns the urine orange.. bright orange to red.
What this damn TURP surgery accomplished was it forced us to cancel our long-awaited trip to London and Wales, The doctor or his nurse was fairly emphatic that should the worst happen I'd end up in a foreign country will a prostate that was bleeding and that no on would have my medical records or know how to proceed. So far that hasn't happened but not to say it wouldn't have. Then there was the problem that being in recovery from surgery I might not enjoy the trip as much. There was always the option of allowing Anita to go alone but she wouldn't hear of it. Yesterday I was glad we hadn't gone.. I slept all all day and the ache was there through it all. Until a short time ago I was terrific and ok but now I am getting some pain vibes. The codeine is all gone.. so I'll see how the night goes.
The worst part of this was missing the trip to London. Well the second worst part. The worst part was two bouts of AUR, Acute Urinary Retention.. when the uretha is unable to allow water to pass from the bladder and out because the prostate is swollen and choking off the uretha. First there is the fear, followed by drops of blood, then the bladder goes into spasm as it fill and expects to be emptied. The pain i gruesome.. Spanish Inquisition style pain, kidney stone pain. Finally the bladder is drained after a tube is inserted. Once the bladder was emptied I fellt better than I've ever felt. The relief was ecstasy. Opps.. my bladder is giving me twinges.. I have to see it I can void. That's the other scary part. Even afetr a few weeks, I'm not sure that when I try to void I'll be able to void. It almost makes me avoid voiding. Pun.
None of this has been fun. I guess the best part is that readers, if there are any left, will no longer have to put up with my whining Cancer Journal by the day. It wasn't fun and neither was what followed. But I am back.. I feel ok and soon I'll be doing the things I usually do which is usually nothing. On the good side I have been reading and missing the trip to London did allow us to watch the Preakness.. bfd. I'll take London and Wales, Oh yeah and I also missed my 50th high school class reunion. What more is there to live for? My grandsons.
Gotta go Supper is ready.
What this damn TURP surgery accomplished was it forced us to cancel our long-awaited trip to London and Wales, The doctor or his nurse was fairly emphatic that should the worst happen I'd end up in a foreign country will a prostate that was bleeding and that no on would have my medical records or know how to proceed. So far that hasn't happened but not to say it wouldn't have. Then there was the problem that being in recovery from surgery I might not enjoy the trip as much. There was always the option of allowing Anita to go alone but she wouldn't hear of it. Yesterday I was glad we hadn't gone.. I slept all all day and the ache was there through it all. Until a short time ago I was terrific and ok but now I am getting some pain vibes. The codeine is all gone.. so I'll see how the night goes.
The worst part of this was missing the trip to London. Well the second worst part. The worst part was two bouts of AUR, Acute Urinary Retention.. when the uretha is unable to allow water to pass from the bladder and out because the prostate is swollen and choking off the uretha. First there is the fear, followed by drops of blood, then the bladder goes into spasm as it fill and expects to be emptied. The pain i gruesome.. Spanish Inquisition style pain, kidney stone pain. Finally the bladder is drained after a tube is inserted. Once the bladder was emptied I fellt better than I've ever felt. The relief was ecstasy. Opps.. my bladder is giving me twinges.. I have to see it I can void. That's the other scary part. Even afetr a few weeks, I'm not sure that when I try to void I'll be able to void. It almost makes me avoid voiding. Pun.
None of this has been fun. I guess the best part is that readers, if there are any left, will no longer have to put up with my whining Cancer Journal by the day. It wasn't fun and neither was what followed. But I am back.. I feel ok and soon I'll be doing the things I usually do which is usually nothing. On the good side I have been reading and missing the trip to London did allow us to watch the Preakness.. bfd. I'll take London and Wales, Oh yeah and I also missed my 50th high school class reunion. What more is there to live for? My grandsons.
Gotta go Supper is ready.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
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